Meses y meses han pasado sin una solucion solida, pero ahora esta la solucion más importante (esperemos que dure).
Fundamento: Megaupload esta habilitando una opcion llamada "happy hour", esta consiste en que una cuenta gratuita se transforme en premium por algunas horas.
Ventajas: Con este sistema, uno puede sacar todos los link que quieras y no seran simples link sino premium.
Desventaja: Solo funciona para Estados Unidos, pero con un simple truco uno puede acceder a esta opción.
Materiales: Deben tener instalado el navegador Mozilla Firefox (Si ya lo tienen instalado no lo bajen).
Enlace A
Enlace B
Enlace C
Instrucciones:
1) Crear una cuenta gratuita de megaupload, solo deben tener un mail real, un nombre de usuario y un password. Para crear una vayan a este enlace:
http://www.megaupload.com/signup/es/
Una vez puesto los datos van a su correo y dan click al enlace de confirmacion, luego se loguean con sus datos en la parte superio derecha de la pagina de megaupload.
IMPORTANTE: El truco funciona solo de noche, entre la 10pm hasta 6am. En ese lapsus su cuenta gratuita se transformara en premium y podran sacar todos los link que quieran.
1.2) Este paso es relativamente importante, es como instalar la barra de megaupload en el firrefox.
1) En la barra de direcciones de Firefox, escribimos “about:config“. Aquí vamos a la configuración de los parámetros del navegador.
2) Buscamos la clave “general.useragent.extra.firefox“. El valor de la clave es “Nombre del navegador/versión”. En mi caso dice “Firefox/2.0.0.5″
3) Agregamos “MEGAUPLOAD 1.0” seguido del valor que tengamos. En mi caso quedará “Firefox/2.0.0.5 MEGAUPLOAD 1.0".
2) Se instalan en firefox, y van a herramientas --> opciones --> avanzado --> RED. En esta zona pondran una proxy americano.
Para poner un proxy van a esta pagina: http://fall.cs.princeton.edu/codeen/
Aqui buscan los proxys que salen con GOOD.
Copian el proxy en lo pegan en RED como muestra la imagen (en puerto ponen 3128) y acepta. Ahora estan con una IP de Estados Unidos.
3) Con ese proxy se haran pasar por alguien que vive en EEUU, luego van a http://www.megaupload.com/premium/?happyhour , Les deberia salir esta imagen:
Eso quiere decir que ya son premium por solo unas 5 o 6 horas. Despues pueden cerrar el firefox o salirse del proxy porque ya son premium asi que da lo mismo.
Puede que les salga esta imagen, aqui solo deben esperar unos segundos para que el proxy vuelva a cargar la pagina. Con respecto a esto: Cuando se conectan al proxy y van a la pagina de happy hour siempre sale esta imagen, aqui solo debe esperar como 10 segundos para que los rediccione de nuevo a happy hour.
IMPORTANTE: Los link pueden dejarlos en cola (en el flashget) solo por 24 horas, o sea, toman todos los que alcancen a bajar en un lapsus de 24 horas.
Problemas:
1) "No me conecta el proxy": Puede ser porque no aceptaste en el ultimo paso o tu proxy esta saturado (ahi debes cambiar a por otro). IMPORTANTE: Tambien depende de tu compañia de internet (esto es solo una apreciacion), me he dado cuenta que los de ip fija no los "enmascara" el proxy, EN ESE CASO PASAR A LA SOLUCION ALTERNATIVA.
2) "Me conecto al proxy, pero igual no me resulta": Esto se debe a que acceden mal, debes ir a este link "http://www.megaupload.com/premium/?happyhour" fijate que NO TIENE /ES/ en la URL.
3) "¿Cuales son los horarios?": Solo basta ver eso...
Chile: 9:00pm a 5:00am
Argentina: 10:00pm a 6:00am
Mexico: 8:00pm a 4:00am
España: 3:00am a 11:00am
Italia: 3:00am a 11:00am
*Son horarios aproximados, si hay algún error me lo hacen saber. Si no esta tu pais me lo haces saber.
martes, 30 de octubre de 2007
miércoles, 17 de octubre de 2007
Undead Technical Support
Undead Technical Support
(ring ring)
TechSup: Hello, undead technical support. May I please have your name and
the date of your death?
Cust: Ummmm, yes. I am Vlad the Impaler and I am a GREAT AND MIGHTY
VAMPIRE!!!
TS: Can I please have your date of death, sir? We have currently around
120 Vlad the Impalers on file, it's a fairly common name among the undead.
Cust: Ummm, yeah... uhhh, well you see, I haven't actually died yet. I was
just sort of, you know, looking to see if someone would, you know, bite
me, or if there is some sort of trial...?
TS: Yes, sir. Unfortunately, we can not provide that service. I would
however point you towards your nearest foreboding castle or dark alley to
find a blood sucking fiend of your choice.
Cust: Oh, why thank you! (Click)
(ring)
TS: Hello, undead technical support. May I please have your name and the
date of your death?
Cust: Ummmm, Herman Carpinski, July 12, 1876.
TS: So what can I help you with?
Cust: I need to know how I deal with this whole rotting problem.
TS: Rotting?
Cust: Yes, pieces of me keep like falling off, and there's this horrible
smell.
TS: Oh. Sir, were you killed by having an undead bite your neck and suck
your blood?
Cust: No, some guy danced around my grave a lot and then blew dust into my
face.
TS: Oh, I see. Sir, you are not a vampire as it were. You are what is
known as a zombie, and while I can't really support that, I can tell you
that the rotting smell is fairly normal. However, I can give you the
zombie support line.
(ring ring)
TS: Hello, undead technical support. May I please have your name and the
date of your death?
Cust: I AM VERY UPSET!!!
TS: I understand, sir, becoming one of the walking undead blood-sucking
fiends is a big step --
Cust: NO that is not what I am talking about you (bleepity bleep bleep)!
TS: Sir, if you will please calm down, perhaps I can help you?
Cust: I want to speak to whoever is in charge!!!
TS: I can alert a manager, sir, but they will have to call you back in a
few hours. Are you sure there is nothing I can help you with?
Cust: YEAH, WHAT THE HELL IS WITH THIS DAMN SUN THING??
TS: Excuse me sir? A vulnerability to the sun is fairly standard to all
vampire types, so that behavior is by design.
Cust: It is not! It says right here in this pamphlet I downloaded from the
Internet that if I ingest the blood of 12 virgins on 12 consecutive nights
and gouge out my own eyeballs I'll be immune. Which I have done mind you
and I am still vulnerable to the sun, so what gives?
TS: Well, sir, that is a different...ah... application of your powers. You
probably want to talk to the people who wrote it, or if it is something
specific to your particular type of vampire, you may wish to speak to the
person who brought you across.
Cust: WHAT A LOAD OF CRAP! YOU PEOPLE SUCK, AND NOT IN A GOOD WAY! (CLICK)
You know I honestly hate calls like that. I mean what is with these
people? Is it my fault they don't read the fine print? I mean, ok
immortality is cool and the nifty vampire powers are great, but they all
call me when they can't handle it and expect me to deal with this crap, I
mean ... One sec, got a call.
(ring ring)
TS: Undead Techni-
Cust: YOU GOTTA HELP ME! THERE IS SOME GUY WITH A CROSSBOW OUTSIDE, AND HE
IS SCREAMING THINGS LIKE, "DIE FOUL FIEND!!!"
TS: Okay sir, please calm down.
Cust: CALM DOWN! HOW THE HECK DO I CALM DOWN? HE IS BATTERING DOWN THE
DOOR! AND HE SOUNDS PISSED!!!
TS: Okay sir, are you vulnerable to holy symbols?
Cust: Ummm, actually no. I am a farquath vampire, we don't do the holy
symbols thing.
TS: Ah, good! I also see your kind of vampire has increased strength and
speed and can take a lot of punishment. Okay, is he through the door yet?
Are there more than one of them?
Cust: There are 3 of them! And they have crosses and one of them has a
crossbow.
TS: Well, okay. Do you have a phone book?
Cust: Yes, WHAT THE HELL GOOD IS A PHONE BOOK GOING TO DO ME?!?!
TS: Sir, I need you to remain calm if you want me to help you, okay?
Cust: All right, now what? They're almost through the door!
TS: Tuck the phone book inside your jacket over your heart. When they come
through the door, let them shoot you with the cross bow, and then hit the
one in front as hard as you can.
Cust: Okay, I'll try. I'm not very violence literate though.
TS: That's okay, just follow my instructions and I'll talk you through it.
Cust: (sounds of crashing and muted thunk and a loud scream) Okay, there
are two left, now what?
TS: Okay, throw the one you hit at the second one as hard as you can, and
then grab the third by the throat and lift him off the ground.
Cust: (loud crashing and some moaning followed by some choking gurgling
noises.) Okay, I have the head guy dangling - now what?
TS: Okay, now look into his eyes and laugh maniacally.
Cust: Heh heh heh.
TS: You might want to try a more maniacal laugh. Kind of like this --
MUHAHAHAHAHA!!
Cust: Wow, you scared me. Okay, I'll try. Muhahahaha. How was that?
TS: Close enough. Now repeat after me, "YOU PITIFUL HUMAN INSECT, DIE LIKE
THE CATTLE YOU ARE!!!" and then please squeeze as hard as you can.
Cust: (repeats statement and a cracking is heard from the phone) Nothing
is happening.
TS: Sir, I mean squeeze with the hand you are holding him with.
Cust: Oh. Okay. (wet cracking sound is heard) Wow, this isn't so hard.
Maybe I will get the hang of this whole violence thing! Thanks so much for
your help!!
TS: That's quite all right, you have a good night now, and thank you for
choosing undead technical support.
(click)
See now, I kind of like those calls. I got to help someone, and you know
that's what this job is all about. Am I one of the undead? Heck no. I
don't care much for the hours really, I am just doing this for money while
I study for my Occult Sciences degree. Then I can go out and make some
real money as either an undead admin, or maybe a troubleshooter type.
Support is great experience for that sort of thing because it gets you
learning, and working with people. I know tons about the undead vampire
types, and I heard we are going to start supporting werewolves and magic
users next. Hey, if they want to train me, I'm not going to complain. I
mean, after all --
(ring ring)
TS: Undead technical support. Can I have your name and the time of your
death?
Cust: Hey, is this where I call about problems with being a vampire?
TS: Yes, it is.
Cust: Okay. Do I have to drink blood? That's kind of gross -- can't it
just be Kool Aid or something?
TS: No, I'm sorry, but blood is definitely a requirement.
Cust: Oh, well, ok.
TS: Anything else I can help you with?
Cust: Hey, yeah. Can I catch AIDS and things from bad blood?
TS: (hits mute button) MORON! (lets go of mute button) Sir, you're dead,
okay? You really don't have to worry about that at this point.
Cust: Oh. How do I get the blood?
TS: Generally you bite people.
Cust: Oh, ok. Well, bye.
(click)
(sigh) Geez, dude, read a book. There are times when this job gets on my
nerves. But anyway where was I? Oh yeah. I get to start training today for
supporting werewolves and magic users. And vampire hunters. You'd think
that would be a conflict of interest... oh well.
(2 weeks of training later)
Instructor: . . . just to re-emphasize a few things - we do not support
major summoning or world destroying rituals. And if the customer is a
werewolf and has just shifted and can no longer communicate you will need
to direct them to the growling and grunting specialist. Any questions?
TS: What exactly constitutes a major summoning? I mean what is our policy
if they attempted a summoning and mispronounced the name and got a major
demon lord instead of the minor imp they were trying for?
Inst: Well, assuming they are still alive, you would probably want to send
it to Escalation. Any other questions?
(Later that month)
(ring ring)
TS: Shape shifter technical support. May I please have your name and the
type of shifter you are?
Cust: This is Derek Thorfin and I am having this problem... (scratching
noises) I can't get this damn hair to go away after I shift. There's this
one patch that just won't not go away.
TS: Well, sir, is it a rectangular patch on your chest and abdominal area?
Cust: Yes, actually it is.
TS: Well, sir, that will not go away. That patch of hair is the mark of
the animal demon that currently possesses you. If you were a shifter by
birth rather than by position, it wouldn't be there.
Cust: So when will there be a solution to this problem?
TS: Sir, that particular behavior, as I have said, is a side effect of
being a shifter by position.
Cust: Whatever, when are you going to fix it? Cause I don't like this
hair, it itches.
TS: Sir, as I said this is something that cannot be fixed, unless you want
to go through a leansing ritual and give up being a shape shifter.
Cust: No, you don't understand! I want this hair gone and you need to tell
me how to get rid of it! Have you got that, fella? Cause if not, I'll have
to come down there and rend you limb from limb. I am a werewolf, got that,
geek boy? Now you go on and tell me that secret way you have of getting
rid of this here hair.
TS: Sir, I must tell you that if you continue to be threatening, I will
have to terminate this call and refer your case to our security
department. That being said, we do not have a secret way to remove your
hair.
Cust: All right, that's it! You're lying to me! Either tell me or I come
down there and REND ALL YOU blankety blanks INTO SMALL QUIVERING CHUNKS OF
FLESH!!! YOU GOT THAT GEEK BOY? WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT, HUH?? WHAT ARE
YOU GOING TO DO, HUH??
TS: I am sorry sir, you've forced me to terminate this call.
(click)
(A few days later)
(Loud growling followed by a loud pop followed by distraught howling)
Hmmmm, I wonder if I should have told him about the silver trap we have
for werewolves... oh well, back to work.
(ring ring)
TS: Mystical Technical Support. May I please have your name and the name
of your group, or your contract number if you are an independent.
Cust: My name is Mike Evenstar and I am a member of the Most Glorious
Order of Hiparcthurs and Tolemay.
TS: Okay, sir, what can I help you with?
Cust: Well it's a small thing really, I was just wondering what would
happen if, ah, well, when summoning a 9th level elemental spirit I had
gotten two of the glyphs wrong?
TS: Which Glyphs, sir? (Sound of head pounding on table is heard)
Cust: Well, that is, I sort of changed the 9 into a 90 and the elemental
to demonic.
TS: I see. Sir, can you hang on a second?
Cust: Sure, no problem. But please hurry - the glowing purple thing is
getting worse, and the walls have started bleeding.
TS: I'll just be a moment, sir. (hold music) AHHHH why do I get these
calls? (off hold) Okay, sir. I want you to listen to me carefully. Once
I'm done talking, I want you to follow these steps. First open the door to
the room you are in, step through it, and run as fast as you can. Then
call 555-DUMB. This is the number for a service that takes care of these
kinds of situations.
Cust: Okay, so I open the... (sound of a wet crunching sound, a scream,
and then silence)
TS: (sigh) I lose more idiots that way. Oh well, at least I got promoted
to major conjurations,summonings and escalation support last week. It
means more money, although now I end up with even bigger problems to deal
with. But they're giving me more training I guess.
(ring ring)
TS: Escalations, go for it
Other Tech: Okay, I've got this guy on the line who says that he is trying
a major summoning, and he has a wizard class account, so he is covered.
But I have no clue what's going wrong. He has the sacrifice he needs, all
his sigology looks fine, I mean he even has the blue pillar of fire going
for him! Could you take it, please, because frankly, I am stumped.
TS: Sure, go ahead and transfer him. (pause) Hi there, I hear you are
having some problems.
Cust: Yes, I don't understand it. I have all the materials and everything
appears to be fine. I have gateway open but I am getting no response to
the truename.
TS: A sacrifice was mentioned - could you tell me what kind?
Cust: Yes, a virgin human female sacrifice was needed, and she is waiting
right here all bound and prepared for the demon to come through and rip
her to pieces. I mean, we even have the proper amount of screaming.
TS: (knowing chuckle) Did you say virgin sacrifice? And how old is she?
Cust: She is 17. I had her checked out beforehand and she is a certified
virgin.
TS: Of course. By any chance do you have a young male assistant? A
teenager, perhaps?
Cust: Well, yes I. . . DAMNIT ALL TO HELL, Jedrick come over here! I'm
gonna peel the skin off your back and feed you to -
TS: Sir, you may not realize this, but saying names like that in front of
open gateways can be a bad idea.
Cust: What, you mean -------? Why would that be bad?
TS: Sir, I would once again advise you against saying that name in front
of a gateway.
Cust: Oh, come on, no one actually expects ------- to answer, I mean he
(sound of a thunder clap)
TS: (sigh) If this keeps happening I might get written up.
(ring ring)
TS: Escalations, go ahead.
OT: Ummmm, I have a demon on the phone.
TS: You mean someone summoned a demon and he needs help with it?
OT: N-n-no, the demon killed him while he was on the phone and, ummm, it
somehow got my name and now it says it owns my soul as well, and I am
kinda in over my head, HELP please.
TS: Okay, go ahead and conference it.
OT: Okay, here goes.
Demon: YOUR SOULS ARE MINE -- ALL OF THEM!!!
TS: With whom am I speaking, sir?
Dem: I am the Demon Rathgarton! And your souls are mine by the contract of
the fool! MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
TS: Well, all right, sir. But I need to tell you one thing first.
Dem: SAY WHAT YOU WILL, PUNY MORTAL! MUHAHAHA!!
TS: notraghtar BY THE POWER OF YOUR UNNAMEING, DEMON BEGONE!!!!
Dem: NOOOOOO AHHHHHHH THE PAIN NOOOoooooooooooo (fades into nothing)
TS: See, it's no problem, you just can't let those demons push you round!
OT: Cool -- thanks dude!
(ring ring)
TS: Escalations, go ahead.
OT: I've got an irate, would you please take her?
TS: (sigh) Go for it.
Cust: NOW YOU LISTEN HERE! I AM A POWER CONJURER, AND I KNOW IT IS NOTHING
I DID! THE PROBLEM IS WITH YOUR SHODDY MATERIALS!! I KNOW BIG PEOPLE IN
HIGH PLACES AND I'M GOING TO HAVE YOU ALL TURNED INTO TOADS!!!
TS: Ma'am, if you will please calm down and read me your conjuring
formula, maybe I can help you.
Cust: OH VERY WELL! (long incomprehensible formula follows)
TS: Ma'am, I think I've found your problem -- it is on the 3rd, 8th, and
21st lines.
Cust: OH REALLY AND WHAT IS THAT MR SMARTY PANTS??
TS: Ma'am, 2+2 is equal to 4 not 8.
Cust: Why you worthl- ummmmm... wait a minute... (click)
TS: Thank you for calling magic support, and have a nice day.
(ring ring)
TechSup: Hello, undead technical support. May I please have your name and
the date of your death?
Cust: Ummmm, yes. I am Vlad the Impaler and I am a GREAT AND MIGHTY
VAMPIRE!!!
TS: Can I please have your date of death, sir? We have currently around
120 Vlad the Impalers on file, it's a fairly common name among the undead.
Cust: Ummm, yeah... uhhh, well you see, I haven't actually died yet. I was
just sort of, you know, looking to see if someone would, you know, bite
me, or if there is some sort of trial...?
TS: Yes, sir. Unfortunately, we can not provide that service. I would
however point you towards your nearest foreboding castle or dark alley to
find a blood sucking fiend of your choice.
Cust: Oh, why thank you! (Click)
(ring)
TS: Hello, undead technical support. May I please have your name and the
date of your death?
Cust: Ummmm, Herman Carpinski, July 12, 1876.
TS: So what can I help you with?
Cust: I need to know how I deal with this whole rotting problem.
TS: Rotting?
Cust: Yes, pieces of me keep like falling off, and there's this horrible
smell.
TS: Oh. Sir, were you killed by having an undead bite your neck and suck
your blood?
Cust: No, some guy danced around my grave a lot and then blew dust into my
face.
TS: Oh, I see. Sir, you are not a vampire as it were. You are what is
known as a zombie, and while I can't really support that, I can tell you
that the rotting smell is fairly normal. However, I can give you the
zombie support line.
(ring ring)
TS: Hello, undead technical support. May I please have your name and the
date of your death?
Cust: I AM VERY UPSET!!!
TS: I understand, sir, becoming one of the walking undead blood-sucking
fiends is a big step --
Cust: NO that is not what I am talking about you (bleepity bleep bleep)!
TS: Sir, if you will please calm down, perhaps I can help you?
Cust: I want to speak to whoever is in charge!!!
TS: I can alert a manager, sir, but they will have to call you back in a
few hours. Are you sure there is nothing I can help you with?
Cust: YEAH, WHAT THE HELL IS WITH THIS DAMN SUN THING??
TS: Excuse me sir? A vulnerability to the sun is fairly standard to all
vampire types, so that behavior is by design.
Cust: It is not! It says right here in this pamphlet I downloaded from the
Internet that if I ingest the blood of 12 virgins on 12 consecutive nights
and gouge out my own eyeballs I'll be immune. Which I have done mind you
and I am still vulnerable to the sun, so what gives?
TS: Well, sir, that is a different...ah... application of your powers. You
probably want to talk to the people who wrote it, or if it is something
specific to your particular type of vampire, you may wish to speak to the
person who brought you across.
Cust: WHAT A LOAD OF CRAP! YOU PEOPLE SUCK, AND NOT IN A GOOD WAY! (CLICK)
You know I honestly hate calls like that. I mean what is with these
people? Is it my fault they don't read the fine print? I mean, ok
immortality is cool and the nifty vampire powers are great, but they all
call me when they can't handle it and expect me to deal with this crap, I
mean ... One sec, got a call.
(ring ring)
TS: Undead Techni-
Cust: YOU GOTTA HELP ME! THERE IS SOME GUY WITH A CROSSBOW OUTSIDE, AND HE
IS SCREAMING THINGS LIKE, "DIE FOUL FIEND!!!"
TS: Okay sir, please calm down.
Cust: CALM DOWN! HOW THE HECK DO I CALM DOWN? HE IS BATTERING DOWN THE
DOOR! AND HE SOUNDS PISSED!!!
TS: Okay sir, are you vulnerable to holy symbols?
Cust: Ummm, actually no. I am a farquath vampire, we don't do the holy
symbols thing.
TS: Ah, good! I also see your kind of vampire has increased strength and
speed and can take a lot of punishment. Okay, is he through the door yet?
Are there more than one of them?
Cust: There are 3 of them! And they have crosses and one of them has a
crossbow.
TS: Well, okay. Do you have a phone book?
Cust: Yes, WHAT THE HELL GOOD IS A PHONE BOOK GOING TO DO ME?!?!
TS: Sir, I need you to remain calm if you want me to help you, okay?
Cust: All right, now what? They're almost through the door!
TS: Tuck the phone book inside your jacket over your heart. When they come
through the door, let them shoot you with the cross bow, and then hit the
one in front as hard as you can.
Cust: Okay, I'll try. I'm not very violence literate though.
TS: That's okay, just follow my instructions and I'll talk you through it.
Cust: (sounds of crashing and muted thunk and a loud scream) Okay, there
are two left, now what?
TS: Okay, throw the one you hit at the second one as hard as you can, and
then grab the third by the throat and lift him off the ground.
Cust: (loud crashing and some moaning followed by some choking gurgling
noises.) Okay, I have the head guy dangling - now what?
TS: Okay, now look into his eyes and laugh maniacally.
Cust: Heh heh heh.
TS: You might want to try a more maniacal laugh. Kind of like this --
MUHAHAHAHAHA!!
Cust: Wow, you scared me. Okay, I'll try. Muhahahaha. How was that?
TS: Close enough. Now repeat after me, "YOU PITIFUL HUMAN INSECT, DIE LIKE
THE CATTLE YOU ARE!!!" and then please squeeze as hard as you can.
Cust: (repeats statement and a cracking is heard from the phone) Nothing
is happening.
TS: Sir, I mean squeeze with the hand you are holding him with.
Cust: Oh. Okay. (wet cracking sound is heard) Wow, this isn't so hard.
Maybe I will get the hang of this whole violence thing! Thanks so much for
your help!!
TS: That's quite all right, you have a good night now, and thank you for
choosing undead technical support.
(click)
See now, I kind of like those calls. I got to help someone, and you know
that's what this job is all about. Am I one of the undead? Heck no. I
don't care much for the hours really, I am just doing this for money while
I study for my Occult Sciences degree. Then I can go out and make some
real money as either an undead admin, or maybe a troubleshooter type.
Support is great experience for that sort of thing because it gets you
learning, and working with people. I know tons about the undead vampire
types, and I heard we are going to start supporting werewolves and magic
users next. Hey, if they want to train me, I'm not going to complain. I
mean, after all --
(ring ring)
TS: Undead technical support. Can I have your name and the time of your
death?
Cust: Hey, is this where I call about problems with being a vampire?
TS: Yes, it is.
Cust: Okay. Do I have to drink blood? That's kind of gross -- can't it
just be Kool Aid or something?
TS: No, I'm sorry, but blood is definitely a requirement.
Cust: Oh, well, ok.
TS: Anything else I can help you with?
Cust: Hey, yeah. Can I catch AIDS and things from bad blood?
TS: (hits mute button) MORON! (lets go of mute button) Sir, you're dead,
okay? You really don't have to worry about that at this point.
Cust: Oh. How do I get the blood?
TS: Generally you bite people.
Cust: Oh, ok. Well, bye.
(click)
(sigh) Geez, dude, read a book. There are times when this job gets on my
nerves. But anyway where was I? Oh yeah. I get to start training today for
supporting werewolves and magic users. And vampire hunters. You'd think
that would be a conflict of interest... oh well.
(2 weeks of training later)
Instructor: . . . just to re-emphasize a few things - we do not support
major summoning or world destroying rituals. And if the customer is a
werewolf and has just shifted and can no longer communicate you will need
to direct them to the growling and grunting specialist. Any questions?
TS: What exactly constitutes a major summoning? I mean what is our policy
if they attempted a summoning and mispronounced the name and got a major
demon lord instead of the minor imp they were trying for?
Inst: Well, assuming they are still alive, you would probably want to send
it to Escalation. Any other questions?
(Later that month)
(ring ring)
TS: Shape shifter technical support. May I please have your name and the
type of shifter you are?
Cust: This is Derek Thorfin and I am having this problem... (scratching
noises) I can't get this damn hair to go away after I shift. There's this
one patch that just won't not go away.
TS: Well, sir, is it a rectangular patch on your chest and abdominal area?
Cust: Yes, actually it is.
TS: Well, sir, that will not go away. That patch of hair is the mark of
the animal demon that currently possesses you. If you were a shifter by
birth rather than by position, it wouldn't be there.
Cust: So when will there be a solution to this problem?
TS: Sir, that particular behavior, as I have said, is a side effect of
being a shifter by position.
Cust: Whatever, when are you going to fix it? Cause I don't like this
hair, it itches.
TS: Sir, as I said this is something that cannot be fixed, unless you want
to go through a leansing ritual and give up being a shape shifter.
Cust: No, you don't understand! I want this hair gone and you need to tell
me how to get rid of it! Have you got that, fella? Cause if not, I'll have
to come down there and rend you limb from limb. I am a werewolf, got that,
geek boy? Now you go on and tell me that secret way you have of getting
rid of this here hair.
TS: Sir, I must tell you that if you continue to be threatening, I will
have to terminate this call and refer your case to our security
department. That being said, we do not have a secret way to remove your
hair.
Cust: All right, that's it! You're lying to me! Either tell me or I come
down there and REND ALL YOU blankety blanks INTO SMALL QUIVERING CHUNKS OF
FLESH!!! YOU GOT THAT GEEK BOY? WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT, HUH?? WHAT ARE
YOU GOING TO DO, HUH??
TS: I am sorry sir, you've forced me to terminate this call.
(click)
(A few days later)
(Loud growling followed by a loud pop followed by distraught howling)
Hmmmm, I wonder if I should have told him about the silver trap we have
for werewolves... oh well, back to work.
(ring ring)
TS: Mystical Technical Support. May I please have your name and the name
of your group, or your contract number if you are an independent.
Cust: My name is Mike Evenstar and I am a member of the Most Glorious
Order of Hiparcthurs and Tolemay.
TS: Okay, sir, what can I help you with?
Cust: Well it's a small thing really, I was just wondering what would
happen if, ah, well, when summoning a 9th level elemental spirit I had
gotten two of the glyphs wrong?
TS: Which Glyphs, sir? (Sound of head pounding on table is heard)
Cust: Well, that is, I sort of changed the 9 into a 90 and the elemental
to demonic.
TS: I see. Sir, can you hang on a second?
Cust: Sure, no problem. But please hurry - the glowing purple thing is
getting worse, and the walls have started bleeding.
TS: I'll just be a moment, sir. (hold music) AHHHH why do I get these
calls? (off hold) Okay, sir. I want you to listen to me carefully. Once
I'm done talking, I want you to follow these steps. First open the door to
the room you are in, step through it, and run as fast as you can. Then
call 555-DUMB. This is the number for a service that takes care of these
kinds of situations.
Cust: Okay, so I open the... (sound of a wet crunching sound, a scream,
and then silence)
TS: (sigh) I lose more idiots that way. Oh well, at least I got promoted
to major conjurations,summonings and escalation support last week. It
means more money, although now I end up with even bigger problems to deal
with. But they're giving me more training I guess.
(ring ring)
TS: Escalations, go for it
Other Tech: Okay, I've got this guy on the line who says that he is trying
a major summoning, and he has a wizard class account, so he is covered.
But I have no clue what's going wrong. He has the sacrifice he needs, all
his sigology looks fine, I mean he even has the blue pillar of fire going
for him! Could you take it, please, because frankly, I am stumped.
TS: Sure, go ahead and transfer him. (pause) Hi there, I hear you are
having some problems.
Cust: Yes, I don't understand it. I have all the materials and everything
appears to be fine. I have gateway open but I am getting no response to
the truename.
TS: A sacrifice was mentioned - could you tell me what kind?
Cust: Yes, a virgin human female sacrifice was needed, and she is waiting
right here all bound and prepared for the demon to come through and rip
her to pieces. I mean, we even have the proper amount of screaming.
TS: (knowing chuckle) Did you say virgin sacrifice? And how old is she?
Cust: She is 17. I had her checked out beforehand and she is a certified
virgin.
TS: Of course. By any chance do you have a young male assistant? A
teenager, perhaps?
Cust: Well, yes I. . . DAMNIT ALL TO HELL, Jedrick come over here! I'm
gonna peel the skin off your back and feed you to -
TS: Sir, you may not realize this, but saying names like that in front of
open gateways can be a bad idea.
Cust: What, you mean -------? Why would that be bad?
TS: Sir, I would once again advise you against saying that name in front
of a gateway.
Cust: Oh, come on, no one actually expects ------- to answer, I mean he
(sound of a thunder clap)
TS: (sigh) If this keeps happening I might get written up.
(ring ring)
TS: Escalations, go ahead.
OT: Ummmm, I have a demon on the phone.
TS: You mean someone summoned a demon and he needs help with it?
OT: N-n-no, the demon killed him while he was on the phone and, ummm, it
somehow got my name and now it says it owns my soul as well, and I am
kinda in over my head, HELP please.
TS: Okay, go ahead and conference it.
OT: Okay, here goes.
Demon: YOUR SOULS ARE MINE -- ALL OF THEM!!!
TS: With whom am I speaking, sir?
Dem: I am the Demon Rathgarton! And your souls are mine by the contract of
the fool! MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
TS: Well, all right, sir. But I need to tell you one thing first.
Dem: SAY WHAT YOU WILL, PUNY MORTAL! MUHAHAHA!!
TS: notraghtar BY THE POWER OF YOUR UNNAMEING, DEMON BEGONE!!!!
Dem: NOOOOOO AHHHHHHH THE PAIN NOOOoooooooooooo (fades into nothing)
TS: See, it's no problem, you just can't let those demons push you round!
OT: Cool -- thanks dude!
(ring ring)
TS: Escalations, go ahead.
OT: I've got an irate, would you please take her?
TS: (sigh) Go for it.
Cust: NOW YOU LISTEN HERE! I AM A POWER CONJURER, AND I KNOW IT IS NOTHING
I DID! THE PROBLEM IS WITH YOUR SHODDY MATERIALS!! I KNOW BIG PEOPLE IN
HIGH PLACES AND I'M GOING TO HAVE YOU ALL TURNED INTO TOADS!!!
TS: Ma'am, if you will please calm down and read me your conjuring
formula, maybe I can help you.
Cust: OH VERY WELL! (long incomprehensible formula follows)
TS: Ma'am, I think I've found your problem -- it is on the 3rd, 8th, and
21st lines.
Cust: OH REALLY AND WHAT IS THAT MR SMARTY PANTS??
TS: Ma'am, 2+2 is equal to 4 not 8.
Cust: Why you worthl- ummmmm... wait a minute... (click)
TS: Thank you for calling magic support, and have a nice day.
Los negros son menos inteligentes que los blancos
Las personas negras son menos inteligentes ha dicho James Watson. Es sin duda el WTF del día, sobre todo porque el protagonista de tan desafortunado comentario no es otro que uno de los descubridores del ADN (el material en que están codificados nuestros genes) y uno de los más prestigiosos científicos del siglo XX. Tal vez para conseguir un poco de autopromoción para su nuevo libro, lo cierto es que no es la primera vez que «se expresa abiertamente» sobre política, religión, las diferencias entre razas y sexos o temas como la homosexualidad o incluso la obesidad, molestando a colectivos enteros con sus afirmaciones.
Tal y como comentaba un científico en el informativo de Antena 3 donde también han hablado del tema, si algo sabemos sobre la inteligencia es que es un factor que viene determinado por un gran número de genes distintos, además de la influencia del entorno (ambiente) durante el desarrollo de cada persona: una afirmación tan arriesgada como la de Watson es de todo menos adecuada.
A sus 79 años, James Watson parece una demostración viviente de que se puede ser muy inteligente, haber estudiado una carrera, haber sido profesor y dirigido una importante institución científica o incluso haber ganado un premio Nobel de medicina… y aun así ser un perfecto gilipollas.
jueves, 11 de octubre de 2007
El Yunque y el Gobierno Mexicano
Como podran ver, la Iglesia aun no acepta que ya no tiene poder y aun lucha por el...
miércoles, 10 de octubre de 2007
Generos Musicales
Si estás tan inseguro de tus gustos musicales como para compararlos con el grupo pop de moda, es que no estás entendiendo bien por qué existe la música en primer lugar.
Los géneros musicales sirven para dos cosas:
1) Catalogar discos en las tiendas.
2) Catalogar a los adolescentes en la secundaria.
Hay cierta edad en la que es necesario agarrar un estandarte musical y apegarte a él para formar parte de un equipo. Esa edad es de los 9 a los 16 años. En ese lapso está bien odiar a la banda de niños guapos que le gusta a las niñas de tu salón... pero de ahí en adelante, cualquier crítica a un grupo musical popular es pura inseguridad proyectada.
Lo último que necesitamos en este país es a un esnob metalero que huele a queso recordándonos que el "metal" que pasan en MTV es una copia barata de una banda llamada blablabla que viene del país blablablú y ha grabado importantísimos discos como blablablé y blablablí.
La razón por la que sientes tan bien al escuchar a tu banda es precisamente porque sólo a ti y a la gente como tú les gusta. Si se te cumpliera tu deseo infantil de que "todos dejaran de comprar basura" y empezaran a escuchar lo mismo que tú, te apuesto a que te dejaría de gustar de inmediato.
¿Que cómo puedo saber eso? Porque si eres tan superficial como para enojarte por la música que pasan en el radio, estoy seguro de que también eres tan superficial como para escuchar cierto tipo de música simplemente porque te gusta que te vean escuchándola.
La música pop tiene una razón de ser: hay millones de seres humanos que no quieren gastar energía en desarrollar un sentido musical aplicado, simplemente quieren música bonita, divertida y fácil de conseguir que los haga sentir bien y que los conecte con otras personas similares.
¿Por qué vas a criticar eso? Dime qué es lo que te molesta tanto de la gente feliz que no se fija en la procedencia de una canción para disfrutarla?
Ajá. Osea que repudias todo tipo de música que sea un producto prefabricado pero muy convenientemente no te molesta que el 99% de lo que posees es precisamente un producto prefabricado. ¡Buena suerte haciendo tu propia ropa y cazando tu propia comida, hipócrita de mierda!
¿Quieren saber por qué la gente compra "esa basura que pasan en la tele" y no las "obras maestras" que ustedes consumen? Muy fácil, miren nomás qué adefesios salen del mundo de la música "auténtica" y qué esculturales y atractivos dioses nos ofrece la industria del pop.
Si se olvidan por un momento del número de ventas y el tiempo que pasan al aire los artistas, les aseguro que descubrirán un mundo lleno de posibilidades interesantísimas.
¡Escuchen el Top 20 una vez al mes, qué demonios, igual y encuentran algo que les guste!
Los géneros musicales sirven para dos cosas:
1) Catalogar discos en las tiendas.
2) Catalogar a los adolescentes en la secundaria.
Hay cierta edad en la que es necesario agarrar un estandarte musical y apegarte a él para formar parte de un equipo. Esa edad es de los 9 a los 16 años. En ese lapso está bien odiar a la banda de niños guapos que le gusta a las niñas de tu salón... pero de ahí en adelante, cualquier crítica a un grupo musical popular es pura inseguridad proyectada.
Lo último que necesitamos en este país es a un esnob metalero que huele a queso recordándonos que el "metal" que pasan en MTV es una copia barata de una banda llamada blablabla que viene del país blablablú y ha grabado importantísimos discos como blablablé y blablablí.
La razón por la que sientes tan bien al escuchar a tu banda es precisamente porque sólo a ti y a la gente como tú les gusta. Si se te cumpliera tu deseo infantil de que "todos dejaran de comprar basura" y empezaran a escuchar lo mismo que tú, te apuesto a que te dejaría de gustar de inmediato.
¿Que cómo puedo saber eso? Porque si eres tan superficial como para enojarte por la música que pasan en el radio, estoy seguro de que también eres tan superficial como para escuchar cierto tipo de música simplemente porque te gusta que te vean escuchándola.
La música pop tiene una razón de ser: hay millones de seres humanos que no quieren gastar energía en desarrollar un sentido musical aplicado, simplemente quieren música bonita, divertida y fácil de conseguir que los haga sentir bien y que los conecte con otras personas similares.
¿Por qué vas a criticar eso? Dime qué es lo que te molesta tanto de la gente feliz que no se fija en la procedencia de una canción para disfrutarla?
Ajá. Osea que repudias todo tipo de música que sea un producto prefabricado pero muy convenientemente no te molesta que el 99% de lo que posees es precisamente un producto prefabricado. ¡Buena suerte haciendo tu propia ropa y cazando tu propia comida, hipócrita de mierda!
¿Quieren saber por qué la gente compra "esa basura que pasan en la tele" y no las "obras maestras" que ustedes consumen? Muy fácil, miren nomás qué adefesios salen del mundo de la música "auténtica" y qué esculturales y atractivos dioses nos ofrece la industria del pop.
Si se olvidan por un momento del número de ventas y el tiempo que pasan al aire los artistas, les aseguro que descubrirán un mundo lleno de posibilidades interesantísimas.
¡Escuchen el Top 20 una vez al mes, qué demonios, igual y encuentran algo que les guste!
sábado, 6 de octubre de 2007
La Iglesia Católica ayudó a la involución de México
“Nos engañaron como alumnos y a los maestros; por eso repetimos nuestra historia, porque no la conocemos”
La Iglesia Católica ha intervenido en la involución de México hasta convertirse en su peor enemiga, sostuvo Francisco Martín Moreno en la presentación de su libro México ante Dios, el pasado 23 de septiembre en la Feria Internacional del Libro Universitario (FILU) ante un auditorio abarrotado y entusiasta de lectores.
En el libro –editado por Alfaguara– se menciona además que a la fecha del movimiento de Independencia en 1821 había en el país 98 por ciento de analfabetas. La educación en el virreinato recaía directamente en manos del clero y sólo era para unos cuantos privilegiados; el país entero estaba sepultado en la ignorancia, dijo Francisco Martín.
En su amena charla, el autor dejó en claro que el libro por más que parezca de teología no lo es: “Nada más alejado de la realidad. Yo no critico ni a la santísima trinidad, ni al verbo encarnado pues no soy teólogo y soy muy respetuoso de la fe, del dogma. Donde sí me meto es con la Iglesia Católica que ha financiado golpes de Estado, derrocado y asesinado a presidentes, financiado cuartelazos y revueltas”.
Admitiendo que sus palabras sonaban agresivas, invitó a los asistentes a razonar sobre sus aseveraciones. Explicó que para escribir este libro estudió durante 25 años material encontrado en archivos, bibliotecas y hemerotecas no sólo del país sino de Estados Unidos y Europa:
“Y comparé lo encontrado con lo que dicen los libros de texto gratuito y nada que ver”, dijo divertido a la vez que añadió: “Nos engañaron como alumnos, pero engañaron también a nuestros maestros, por eso repetimos nuestra historia, porque no la conocemos”.
Como un país sepultado en la ignorancia calificó Martín Moreno a México del siglo XIX. A lo largo de su intervención citó claros ejemplos en los que el clero ha tomado partido a su conveniencia para seguir manteniendo su poder frente a un pueblo oprimido e ignorante:
“La Iglesia Católica impidió que se habitaran los territorios del norte del país, Texas y Nuevo México, principalmente, por gente que no fuera católica, al ser un lugar despoblado casi en su totalidad se facilitó el arrebato del territorio.”
Sobre el “Padre de la patria” Miguel Hidalgo y Costilla aseveró que al dar el grito en Dolores, Guerrero en 1810 lo que dijo fue: “Mueran los malos gobiernos y viva Fernando VII, rey de España”, algo que –dijo– en la escuela no nos han dicho y bromeó: “Seguramente era el padre de la patria porque tenía ocho hijos”.
Habló de una corregidora Josefa Ortiz de Domínguez como amante embarazada de Ignacio Allende, un Alexander von Humboldt y Vicente Guerrero homosexuales, un Agustín de Iturbide adúltero, un Porfirio Díaz traidor e incestuoso, entre otras “peculiaridades” de los “héroes que nos dieron patria”.
Hacia el final de su intervención, Martín Moreno añadió que la Iglesia era propietaria de más de 50 por ciento de la propiedad inmobiliaria del país, dueña de bancos pero también de salas de tortura, ejércitos privados, fueros jurídicos, que además cobraba el impuesto del diezmo bajo pena de excomunión.
“Vivimos pues en un México sepultado en la confusión, la Iglesia sigue estando del lado de las elites y quiere volver a tomar el mando de la educación. No debemos permitirlo, debemos defender el laicismo ante el cinismo. Éste es un llamado para que seamos siempre un país digno, desarrollado y progresista.”
Después de la presentación el autor estuvo firmando libros y autógrafos con decenas de participantes. Nacido en 1946 es autor de libros como México negro, Las cicatrices del viento, La disculpa, La respuesta, Los mexicanos a contraluz, México sediento, México secreto y México mutilado. Ha escrito más de dos mil columnas para periódicos y revistas y es reconocido por su labor como novelista e historiador.
La Iglesia Católica ha intervenido en la involución de México hasta convertirse en su peor enemiga, sostuvo Francisco Martín Moreno en la presentación de su libro México ante Dios, el pasado 23 de septiembre en la Feria Internacional del Libro Universitario (FILU) ante un auditorio abarrotado y entusiasta de lectores.
En el libro –editado por Alfaguara– se menciona además que a la fecha del movimiento de Independencia en 1821 había en el país 98 por ciento de analfabetas. La educación en el virreinato recaía directamente en manos del clero y sólo era para unos cuantos privilegiados; el país entero estaba sepultado en la ignorancia, dijo Francisco Martín.
En su amena charla, el autor dejó en claro que el libro por más que parezca de teología no lo es: “Nada más alejado de la realidad. Yo no critico ni a la santísima trinidad, ni al verbo encarnado pues no soy teólogo y soy muy respetuoso de la fe, del dogma. Donde sí me meto es con la Iglesia Católica que ha financiado golpes de Estado, derrocado y asesinado a presidentes, financiado cuartelazos y revueltas”.
Admitiendo que sus palabras sonaban agresivas, invitó a los asistentes a razonar sobre sus aseveraciones. Explicó que para escribir este libro estudió durante 25 años material encontrado en archivos, bibliotecas y hemerotecas no sólo del país sino de Estados Unidos y Europa:
“Y comparé lo encontrado con lo que dicen los libros de texto gratuito y nada que ver”, dijo divertido a la vez que añadió: “Nos engañaron como alumnos, pero engañaron también a nuestros maestros, por eso repetimos nuestra historia, porque no la conocemos”.
Como un país sepultado en la ignorancia calificó Martín Moreno a México del siglo XIX. A lo largo de su intervención citó claros ejemplos en los que el clero ha tomado partido a su conveniencia para seguir manteniendo su poder frente a un pueblo oprimido e ignorante:
“La Iglesia Católica impidió que se habitaran los territorios del norte del país, Texas y Nuevo México, principalmente, por gente que no fuera católica, al ser un lugar despoblado casi en su totalidad se facilitó el arrebato del territorio.”
Sobre el “Padre de la patria” Miguel Hidalgo y Costilla aseveró que al dar el grito en Dolores, Guerrero en 1810 lo que dijo fue: “Mueran los malos gobiernos y viva Fernando VII, rey de España”, algo que –dijo– en la escuela no nos han dicho y bromeó: “Seguramente era el padre de la patria porque tenía ocho hijos”.
Habló de una corregidora Josefa Ortiz de Domínguez como amante embarazada de Ignacio Allende, un Alexander von Humboldt y Vicente Guerrero homosexuales, un Agustín de Iturbide adúltero, un Porfirio Díaz traidor e incestuoso, entre otras “peculiaridades” de los “héroes que nos dieron patria”.
Hacia el final de su intervención, Martín Moreno añadió que la Iglesia era propietaria de más de 50 por ciento de la propiedad inmobiliaria del país, dueña de bancos pero también de salas de tortura, ejércitos privados, fueros jurídicos, que además cobraba el impuesto del diezmo bajo pena de excomunión.
“Vivimos pues en un México sepultado en la confusión, la Iglesia sigue estando del lado de las elites y quiere volver a tomar el mando de la educación. No debemos permitirlo, debemos defender el laicismo ante el cinismo. Éste es un llamado para que seamos siempre un país digno, desarrollado y progresista.”
Después de la presentación el autor estuvo firmando libros y autógrafos con decenas de participantes. Nacido en 1946 es autor de libros como México negro, Las cicatrices del viento, La disculpa, La respuesta, Los mexicanos a contraluz, México sediento, México secreto y México mutilado. Ha escrito más de dos mil columnas para periódicos y revistas y es reconocido por su labor como novelista e historiador.
miércoles, 3 de octubre de 2007
Ninjas en Ensenada, ahora solo ocupamos Piratas y ya nuestro feo pueblo subira de nivel
No se que me da más risa, un típico don mexicano( que incluye ser moreno, con bigote y con una panza "chelera") tratando de verse ninjezco y cool( como cualquier ninja se miraría si se dejase ver) o la parte en donde dice "COMPLETAMENTE PRACTICO", porque como bien saben tener conocimientos de artes marciales ninja es 100% PRACTICO...;imaginense la situación en
donde estén pidiendo un trabajo en una maquiladora o en un mcdonalds y te pregunten que si sabes artes marciales ninja, si respondes que no lo más probable será que no te den tu anhelado( y bien pagado) empleo.Un ninja español ¿a poco no intimida más que el mexicano?..joder----->
Entonces ya saben, si quieren tener un buen empleo de grandes, vayan al gimnasio de la hidalgo y aprendan a ser ninjas por la ridícula cantidad de $250 pesitos(..conozco a alguien que con ese dinero se pudiera pagar un mes de gym ;p).
By the way:
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